digivolvin:

last night i dreamed that scientists used a really bad picture of me to prove humans are closely related to goats and i was so insulted i woke up

97,050 notes

herriestiles:

shelterfromcold:

two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says “man, i can’t believe i blew thirty bucks in there”.

this literally took me forever to get

262,568 notes
  • book one: professor mcgonnagal and the you put a WHAT in our WHERE albus
  • book two: professor mcgonnagal and the we have a WHAT IN OUR WHERE ALBUS
  • book three: professor mcgonnagal and the ministry is sending us WHAT because of WHO
  • book four: professor mcgonnagal and the ARE YOU SHITTING ME ALBUS
  • book five: professor mcgonnagal and the we have WHO telling us to do WHAT
  • book six: professor mcgonnagal and the albus do something NO NOT THAT
  • book seven: professor mcgonnagal and the I FINALLY GET TO BLOW SHIT UP THANK YOU WIZARD GOD
90,593 notes

stripesdontmakeyoustraight:

stripesdontmakeyoustraight:

If you ever think you did something embarrassing just remember that I had a really hot waiter one time and i was gonna order double pepperoni pizza but I looked him dead in the eye and accidentally asked for double penetration pizza in front of my whole family

Stop reblogging my failure

211,672 notes

caseyanthonyofficial:

I hate when I smile at a stranger and they don’t smile back I’m doing this for you fucker

382,383 notes